It’s about one in the morning. Carissa is laying on the couch, mostly asleep, with the glow of the television and I’m standing in the yard with the dog admiring the moonlit grass.
I look at the grass and think of the effort and money I’ve put into maintaining the yard. The colors are a sort of fluorescent green with the blue haze of the moon covering everything. I think about meeting all of our neighbors and joining the community. Their kids make the best cookies. Bear sniffs my hand, sits, and stares at me. He knows.
In a short amount of time, I’m leaving all of this. Work will take me on the road for the next two months with a two week vacation followed by 8 months on the road. I’ll be married.
As I stand out here, I think about how much I’m going to miss everything. I think about how much I worked to get here and then how something out of my control is taking it away. Normally, I work and get what I want. This is a new lesson. There is nothing I can do and the things I want are not possible.
I’m learning. I’m heartbroken. I’m learning.